50 Shades of Grey - Why Readers Will Love It and Writers Will Hate It

I first heard of 50 Shades of Grey when one of my customers asked for it, before it had even been released. The book and its sequels, 50 Shades Darker and 50 Shades Freed, have been the biggest literary blockbusters since Harry Potter or Twilight, pushing sales upwards of (reportedly) 10 million copies in six weeks. Since its release, I've had a difficult time keeping copies in stock at the grocery store where I merchandise books, and every week, for every one that sells, more and more copies come in.As the hype grew, so did my curiosity. I had to see what all the fuss was about, so I picked up a copy, along with a young adult fantasy novel as backup. Good thing I got the backup. I can usually tell if I'm going to like a book as soon as I read the first page. Right away, 50 Shades had me rolling my eyes, much like its main character, Anastasia Steele does, a reported 41 times throughout the book with her cohort, Christian Grey.Why readers will love it:

• Cinderella-familiar storyline (regular girl meets extraordinary boy who sweeps her off her feet and showers her with expensive things);
• Easy plot & characters to follow. You don't need to hold a timeline of events & a roster in your head like you had to do with The Millennium Series;
• Why, the sex, of course!

Why Writers will hate it:

• It's an easy read—a little too easy. Nothing flows, It doesn't take you away to another place. More like this happened and then that happened and here's what I was wearing, and OMG he is so HOT!!
• It is rife with repetition. If I had to read one more time how she bit her lip or how his pants hang on his hips just so, or how they call each other by their surnames ("Miss Steele;" "Mr. Grey")...I'm tempted to get out my red pen and edit my own paperback copy, just for the hell of it.
• It is rife with two amateur writing mistakes: 1. adverbs—tons of them—which is a rookie error, usually caught by an editor; and 2. Cliché: the aforementioned Cinderella-esque storyline, punctuated by scenes stolen from Pretty Woman (the bathtub scene; the piano scene). And I'm not the only one who noticed. See this article at The Daily Beast for more.
• keep reading for the #1 reason writers will hate 50 Shades of Grey.

In fact, if I were describing it to someone I'd say it's like Pretty Woman or Cinderella, only Prince Charming is into kinky sex. Really kinky sex. And OMG, he's really hot.I must admit, I got drawn into the steamy scenes—you'd have to be a eunuch not to.  But I would find myself halfway through the page saying, "wait, what? That just doesn't happen..." I mean you have to give her props for imagination, but a lot of it just doesn't play realistically. I could go into gory detail, but it would cause major spoilers, and would be a bit TMI, even for me. (Seriously, how many of you out there had multiple O's your first time? Guys, put your hands down.)And—disclosure—I didn't even finish the book. I tried, but I kept getting so frustrated. Not that kind of frustrated either. One of the main things that bothered me is that here you have this main character who is supposed to be a smart, intellectual woman—however young and sexually inexperienced—making really stupid decisions. Dan Brown does the same thing in his books; writes these incredibly intelligent women, who for whatever reason can't seem to do anything for themselves until the dashing Professor Langdon sweeps in to save the day.Now, I have to say, pretty much my entire life, if I picked up a book and started reading it, that meant I would be reading it 'til the very end, no matter what. I have no idea where I came up with this philosophy. Probably some sort of teacher-infused guilt, or Norwegian stubbornness from somewhere along the line, but I always believed that if you started a book, you HAD TO FINISH IT.But I've gotten to the point in my life where I've decided not to waste my time trying to read a book I don't like. There are SO many books out there that I would like to read. Why sit and stew and turn pages that frustrate the hell out of you, one after the other, when there is a whole pile of books on your nightstand, just begging for their spines to be cracked?At the same time I bought 50 Shades, I also picked up a YA softcover by Kristin Cashore, called Fire. Not that I needed any new books—I have a ton on my shelves that I still haven't gotten to yet (like that's ever stopped me from buying a book). But when I got so frustrated with Miss Steele and Mr. Gray, I picked up Fire, just to take a peek.And that's when I realized I didn't need to read all about the Steele/Gray tryst. Because the other book was so. much. better. And it has nothing to do with genre (50 Shades is adult contemporary erotica fiction; Fire is young adult fantasy fiction), it's all about the quality of the writing. See for yourself in the following excerpts (no spoilers):

Excerpt from 5o Shades of Grey, by E.L. James:

"Ready?" he asks. I nod and want to say, For anything, but I can't articulate the words as I'm too nervous, too excited."Taylor." he nods curtly at his driver, and we head into the building, straight to a set of elevators. Elevator! The memory of our kiss this morning comes back to haunt me. I have thought of nothing else all day, daydreaming at the register at Clayton's. Twice Mr. Clayton had to shout my name to bring me back to Earth. To say I've been distracted would be the understatement of the year. Christian glances down at me, a slight smile on his lips. Ha! He's thinking about it.too."It's only three floors," he says dryly, his eyes dancing with amusement. He's telepathic, surely. It's spooky.

Three adverbs! Really? In little more than one paragraph?! Who edited this?? Okay, Heidi, don't sweat the small stuff, don't sweat the small stuff...

Excerpt from Fire, by Kristin Cashore:

It had been easy once, taking Archer into her bed; not so long ago it had been simple. And then, somehow the balance had tipped between them. The marriage proposals, the lovesickness. More and more, the simplest thing was to say no.She would answer him gently. She turned to him and held out her hand. He stood and came to her."I must change into riding clothes and pull a few more things together," she said. "We'll say our goodbyes now. You must go down and tell the prince I'm coming."He stared at his shoes and then into her face, understanding her. He tugged at her headscarf until it slid away and her hair fell around her shoulders. He collected her hair in one hand, bent his face to it, kissed it. He pulled Fire to him and kissed her neck and her mouth, so that her body was left wishing that her mind were not so stingy. Then he broke away and turned to the door, his face the picture of unhappiness.

Now, I'm sorry, but that is some good f*ing writing. Where James over-explains and over-punctuates her character's every thought, lip-bite and groin-pull, Cashore paints a picture for you to observe from a distance, the characters explaining how they feel with their actions. Kind of goes back to the old "show, don't tell" lesson I learned from my library critique group.Okay, okay, so who am I? Right? Who am I to be sitting up here on my high horse, critiquing something that has been so lightning-in-a-bottle successful?I don't want to knock Ms. James. I don't want to sound as if I think I'm somehow better, or above. I mean, not only did she finish her book, but two more, got them published and is now enjoying great prosperity because of it. I say, good for her! I can't even finish one book, and I'm embarrassed to tell you how long I've been working on it (or not working on it, as the case may be. That's at least part of my problem). And she seems like a pretty cool person. My biggest admiration for her lies in the fact that she negotiated complete control when she sold her movie rights. Now that's a genius, ballsy move. I bow humbly to that. I wonder if she whipped out some handcuffs when talking to Universal, and gave them a little spanking? ;)I wish her all the success in the world. I mean, she's kind of a Cinderella story herself, isn't she? It's a great inspiration to the rest of us schlubs hacking away at our blogs, adding to our page counts and red-penning our own manuscripts. It's proof that with a little talent, and a whole lot of determination, anyone can make it happen. You know what they say, the most successful writers aren't necessarily the best, they are just the ones who didn't quit.And as to that #1 reason writers will hate 50 Shades of Grey? Like most other things creatives hate:

They didn't think of it first.

So...did you read it, or are you avoiding it on principle? Did you love it? Hate it? Read it while hiding in the ladies room? :) Please, let your voice be heard! Converse! Click reply (below).

5 Simple Things I've Learned about Horsekeeping

1. Always have a pair of scissors handy.

You know your old sewing scissors? The ones that, when you bought them on sale with your 40% off coupon at JoAnn's? The ones you told your whole family NOT TO TOUCH, and THESE ARE FOR FABRIC and NOT FOR PRUNING THE BUSHES? The ones your kids ended up using for school projects and your husband used to cut the wire off of something in the garage, and which you will never, ever be able to use for cutting that beautiful fabric again? Don't throw them away.We always keep a pair out in the barn (okay, it's not really a barn, but hey this is Arizona. Barns are hot. It's a glorified shade but we call it a barn. Yes, I know the difference, I grew up in farm country.) Anyway, there's nothing worse than needing to cut open a new bale of hay to feed your horses (which I'm sure are starving), and there is no blade to be found.Stick that old pair of slightly damaged scissors out in your hay, and they will find new life.

2. Always stack your garden hose on a slant.

That way, when you drag it over to water your horses, or wash your car or whatever, it will not get all tangled and bunched up and make you say things like sh*t! and g******it! and son of a bee stinger! And other colorful words that entertain the neighbors.And if everyone else in your family puts the garden hose away like this:Then you may feel the way I do sometimes:

3. Always keep water from spilling.

Some of you lucky people out there have horses who never rub on anything in their stalls and never knock over their feeders or water buckets. My horses will mess with anything in their stalls. And they aren't even kept in their stalls all day - they have free reign to wander about as they choose. When the barn was built, we had automatic waterers installed, so the horses would always have fresh, clean water. This one is dog height:But the ones we had installed in the stalls were just the right height for the horses to use as butt-scratching-posts. And from the repeated leaning on by 1000-lb. animals, the waterers got tilted just enough to leak. All the time. Which resulted in huge mud puddles right where the horses need to stand to drink their water. Horse stalls and standing water do not mix. Hoof fungus, mosquitoes, and the smell are the three main reasons, but I'm sure there's more.So we got these big half-barrel water buckets from the feed store. Which are just the right height for the horses to scratch their hind legs on. And then they discovered how much fun it is to tip over the water bucket when it is about half full. Which goes back to the same old water-in-the-stall problem. It took me a few tries to final figure out how to do it (hint: looping chains around the bucket doesn't work).So I drilled holes in the top of the bucket. Wasn't easy because the loopy do-dads that I bought have wide ends so I basically had to drill two holes next to each other and then widen it further. You probably have better tools than I do, so maybe you'll have an easier time of it. Then I took some Clip-hook do-dads, attached to the loopy do-dads (all very technical here) and clipped the hooks to my fence. Voila! Horsey-no-knock-over. So there.

4. Always, ALWAYS latch gates closed behind you.

None of this, "Oh, I'll be in here for a sec to spray some fly spray/scoop poop/etc." and then swinging the gate behind you without latching it shut. 9 times out of 10, you end up going out a different gate than you came in anyway. But it only takes a second.Do not be deceived by their big-eyed innocent faces. Horses are known escape artists.The minute you turn your back, they are nosing that gate open, and GONE! This is especially important if the place they can escape to is potentially dangerous, as in the photo above—into traffic—or in my backyard, one of the gates leads to a play area where we have a trampoline which is sunken into the ground. My horses thought it would be cool the other day to push on this gate and run around back there, nearly giving me a heart attack.Luckily they just ran around and munched on the pine trees, and avoided the black hole of the trampoline. But it could have been bad.

5. If you give your horse a bath, and you are not dirtier than your horse was when you started, you are doing it wrong.

There is no possible way to bathe your horse and not get wet, dirty and smelly. If you are the type of person who doesn't like to get your hands dirty, don't even think about wanting a horse. Or just be rich enough to have some one else do it for you.But where's the fun in that?Oh - by the way, I just saw the movie BRAVE today. If you are as much of a Celtic folklore geek as I am, you will love it. Pixar did an amazing job, capturing the beauty of Scotland, and weaving a story around a strong, smart female character. AND they have an awesome Shire horse—and whoever was in charge of animating the horses did an excellent job of capturing the character and how they really move. Anyway, just go see it, it's good. Visually stunning.

Here's my LittleFilmReview tweet:

https://twitter.com/heidhorch/status/216676217854771200

Welcome to the Barn - New Site Launch!

It has been a long, long journey to get here. As I write this I am listening to Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation," and putting the finishing touches on this here brand new site that you are reading right now. Any posts dated prior to this are from my old Blogger address. Blogger has served me well the past few years, and was a great place to start a blog*. But the time had come to move on.I had been considering a move to WordPress for awhile. While I loved my Blogger site, it was getting a bit outdated and cluttered. And when reading other blogs, I kept seeing themes and design that were just so  beautiful, modern, and streamlined.During this time, Blogger had completely re-done their format with new design features and offered newer, more modern templates. Even a pretty cool Dynamic View feature. But I was still frustrated by limitations of design customization. So I started this: whenever I was out surfing the web, and came across a blog that had a professional-looking, beautiful and easy-to-funtion site, I would scroll all the way down to the bottom of the webpage, and look for the attribution, and this is what I usually found:

And then something else happened: Apple decided to move their MobileMe service over to iCloud.  I had been using my MobileMe account for email, and as a website host for my domain (www.westceltgypsy.com) ever since I moved from Homestead.com, where I first started my online career. So not only was I already looking at a new blog design, but now I was being forced to find a new web host as well. Up til now, my stand-alone site for my horses and my blog were two separate sites.

What I really wanted to do, if I was going to go through all this trouble anyway, was to take my horse website (westceltgypsy) and my blog (Chroi and Me) and blend them into one.

So I started really looking in to WordPress. Now for those of you new to it, there are TWO WordPresses:

1. WordPress.com, where you can go and in about 10 minutes, have your very own blog for free, and
2. WordPress.org, where you can go set up a self-hosted blog.

After starting with #1, Wordpress.com, I got that same old Blogger frustration: I just couldn't get it to look like I wanted it to look. I wanted certain fonts, certain design functions that I just couldn't control at WP.com. So I looked into #2, WordPress.org, and although I knew it was going to be a HUGE learning curve, I decided to jump in.*For those of you who are contemplating your own possible future in the blogoshpere, check around, and see what you prefer. There are other free blog sites out there (Live Journal), and some very nice pay-by-the-month sites (Typepad).  But my own recommendations, based on TONS of research, weeding out the garbage,  AND the fact that I am cheap, is this: stick with Blogger or WordPress.Try Blogger if you:

• are new to Blogging
• need something simple; easy to learn and use
• just need a free web presence that you can link to your other social media accounts
• don't know anything about code and don't WANT to know
• enjoy the power and reliability of Google (Blogger is powered by Google)

But go to WordPress if you:

• are a little more web-savvy
• are comfortable with tweaking a little bit of code every now and then (you don't have to, but it helps)
• are going for a more professional look (doesn't look homemade; lots of design options)
• like the idea of being part of something that is open-source
• believe that this is just a jumping off point for you, and that in the future you will build your blog to something bigger and better

But most of all, like they say in the writing world, if you want to write a book, you need to read lots of books. If you want to start a blog, read lots of blogs. Find out what appeals to you, what turns you off; look at the attribution; read the comments; comment yourself. Be active and get involved. Just like the guy in the group that is so annoying because all he does is talk about himself, and promote his own projects, nobody likes the narcissistic blogger. You can only help yourself by being part of the conversation.Why? Read on.Right around the same time I started to learn WordPress.org, my bosses over at the catering company talked to me about helping them with their Social Media Marketing platform. At the time, they had a website, and a Facebook page that one of their kids had set up two years ago, and that no one could remember the password to. It had 6 likes. They were focused on just updating the Facebook page, but I told them that while Facebook is an incredible marketing tool, it is merely one spoke in the wheel of online marketing. I said, "You gotta have a blog." Their response was, "Really?"Really.While the mainstream world is still just catching on to blogging ("what's a blog again?") and the blogosphere goes through hot-and-cold spells, it is my firm belief that a blog is the simplest, most important, and FREE online resource to entrepreneurs, artists, freelancers and just about anyone else who wants their presence known. Basically your blog is your online "hub," where your audience can find you, and which links to all of your other internet "spokes": your website, Facebook page (a Facebook fan page is different from your personal profile), your Twitter account (yes, you DO need to be on Twitter), your Pinterest page and more. More on all of that in an upcoming article.I started online with a very homemade-looking website with Homestead.com, moved to a better looking site built with iWeb, started a blog with Blogger, a Facebook page, a Twitter feed, and now this all-in-one totally sexy new WordPress self-hosted site. Along the way, I've sold 3 horses, started writing a novel, learned about writing, met some awesome people (who you will get to meet soon!), and now have others reading my work, and learning from me. In other words, I have been building an online presence, hopefully a positive one.Part of the reason this latest chapter has taken so long is that I haven't only been building one blog, I've been building two: this blog, the catering blog, plus a new Facebook Page and Twitter for them. Plus my fabulous job as a magazine and book merchandiser, driving for the caterers, feeding my boys and husband, laundry, housework, shopping, blah, blah, blah...yeah, I know, welcome to life in the 2010s, right? Everyone's working about 12 jobs.So to that end, I would like to say Thank You. Thanks for taking a little slice of ever-elusive time out of your busy day to stop by. I really do appreciate it. And I'm still surprised every time someone tells me that they read my blog. I still think it's just me and my pajamas with a cup of coffee, blathering away into space. One thing that bloggers love? Comments. See that little box at the bottom of this page? Drop me a line, say hi, and let me know what you think. I'd love to hear from you.For now, I am off on a much needed break. I'm heading up to the cool pines with my girl-friends for some R&R at a nice quiet, no wi-fi cabin. We will be reading gossip magazines, drinking wine, watching chick flicks and having pillow fights in our underwear.Just kidding on that last one, wanted to make sure you were paying attention. :)So welcome to the new WestCelt Gypsy/Chroi and Me site, please browse & read, and let me know what you think. I'll be checking in on my phone.Have a great weekend!Heidi

Why You Should Attend a Writer's Conference

Note: Originally posted Oct 2011 as a guest post at Will Write for Coffee. Conference season is upon us - sign up now! (lots of links to follow)Having recently attended a regional writer's conference, the speakers' words still buzzing in my head, and the buzz from my Starbuck's French Roast still twitching through my veins, I knew exactly the topic I would choose when Anne so graciously asked me to guest post here at Will Write for Coffee.So, you get this urge every time you walk past the office supply section at Target. A vortex sucks you in and forces you to stand there in front of the notebooks. You don't need a notebook. You have two at home that are half full, and you just bought one last week. It has birds or curlicues or robots on it. It's sitting on your night table, pen uncapped at the ready, just waiting for those middle of the night brainstorm ideas that you know you'll lose if you don't jot them down, RIGHT NOW. But, you think, I'd better grab this one with the kittens on it, to make sure I have a spare.You know who you are.You still have a copy of your first Judy Blume book (Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing? Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret? the racy Forever??) You've saved all of your favorite picture books and now read them to your kids. You have an idea for a story *POP* into your head at the most inopportune times, but you write them down. Maybe you even have a manuscript or two.Now what?You open your favorite picture book to the publisher's page, scribble down the address on a manila envelope, shove your story in there along with a cover letter that reads:

"To whom it may concern,This is an awesome story about a teddy bear who learns to bake cookies and has a friend who is a bullfrog named Jeremiah. My kids love it! My son even drew the pictures!I hope you like it!signed,Clueless."

No, I'm not being mean or snarky, because that's pretty close to the same thing I did for my first submission. In return, I received a very concise, polite photocopy of a response they send out to all the hapless wanna-be writers out there which said, in a nutshell,

"Thanks, but no thanks."

If that's enough to deter you, if it was just a whim, and a Hail Mary shot, then good for you for trying and you can stop reading now. But if that "Thanks, but no thanks" got your hackles up and made you more determined to give it a go, read on.1) Join a critique group. You can usually find one at your local library, school, or even online.This is very scary, because now you will have to take all of those great little ideas out of your notebook and share them with about 5-10 strangers who will rip them apart. But that's good. Don't get defensive; rather, be a sponge and absorb what you learn, and don't be afraid to "kill your darlings." Be mature enough to accept critique, and give constructive criticism in return.2) Always use proper format.No Futura, no Helvetica (I know, I know), and for sure no Comic Sans. When printing your manuscript, even for your critique group, always, always, always useTimes New Roman*, 12-point font; double-spaced; one-inch margins (left, right, top, bottom).This is an industry standard, and the sooner you start utilizing it, the better. The reason? While I'm not 100% sure, it's said that the serifs in the font make it easier for the eye to flow from one letter to the other; 12-point double-spaced font is just easier to read, and the one-inch margins are to allow room for editorial comments in the margins.*The only exception would be Courier font, which is more commonly used in screenplay manuscripts.3) Get your hands on a copy of The Writer's Market.The library will usually have a reference copy (one that stays in the library and cannot be checked out), and there will often be a copy that you can check out as well. If your focus is writing for children, or if you are an artist or illustrator, there is the Children's Writer's and Illustrator's Market. I cannot stress the indispensable nature of these books. If you study either or both of them the way your kids study YouTube or Facebook, you will have an amazing head start.The first half of The Writer's Market books contain information on: how to write a query letter; format; selling to magazines; interviews with authors, including how they sold their first book; and advice from agents, many of whom will speak to what sort of material they currently need. The second half of the guide is a directory of agents, publishers and editors, what they represent or publish, and how to submit your work to them. Current is the key word here−although you will find useful information in second-hand copies, the publishing industry changes so rapidly that you will want to find the newest version available.4) Attend conferences, and join writer's organizations.It's worth the drive to your nearest city; it's worth the $150-on up registration fee. Plan ahead and save your money. The knowledge that you will gain and the acquaintances you will make−personal and professional−are worth it. For children's writers or illustrators, find your regional Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI) chapter, and attend whatever events you can. (More organizations listed below.)In the past four years that I have attended our regional conference−and I'm not even talking about the whopper events in L.A. and New York−I have heard and/or met editors from: Scholastic, Random House, Amulet/Abrams, Chronicle, Penguin, Farrar, Straus & Giroux, Harper Collins and more. I've had a face-to-face critique with an editor from Roaring Brook. I've heard first-hand advice from agents on what they are looking for and how to submit. I've seen presentations from art directors on how a picture book is made. What catches an editor's eye and will keep them reading the next 20 pages, or make them toss it.I've also made some very good friends, and seen quite a few fellow writers go on to publication (links below).If you offer to volunteer, it will not only give you a chance to help out, you will have the opportunity to meet more people. Remember, it's not only about learning, it's also about networking.But besides learning about the industry and how to navigate it, the best residual effect of a conference is the motivation. Nothing will light a fire under your butt more than hearing the first-hand story of how a successful book made it from notebook to publisher's auction to print.

This year we were treated to the story of Tom Leveen's YA novel, Party. There to tell the tale were Tom, his agent Jennifer Mattson, and his editor at Random House, Suzy Capozzi. Tom told us the story of how he wrote Party, Jennifer talked about how the two of them worked together on it, the process of presenting it to editors, and Suzy explained what takes the book from a point of interest, to a sale, and the final product. It was incredibly interesting, and brought the entire experience down to a more realistic, maybe even attainable level. By the way, I got a copy of Party at the conference, started reading it that night, and couldn't put it down until I finished it two days later. The last book that did that to me was The Hunger Games. So, bravo, Tom, and thank you.Attendees were given a workshop on how to pitch a book, and an opportunity to have their manuscript read and critiqued by one of the faculty, among other demonstrations.More highlights of this year's conference were: a discussion on ideas that stand out from Amulet and Abrams books senior editor Maggie Lehrman, presentation on picture book format, from Simon & Schuster associate art director, Lauren Rille; and a lesson on marketing and publicity for today's writers, by industry pro Tracey Daniels of Media Masters Publicity, who also revealed a new project called Bookigee, a completely new way to look at books, and the movies, music and everything else connected to them.In short, writing a book isn't just about the writing anymore. Sure, the writing has to be there−and has to be better than ever to compete in the market of today−but the whole experience of a book is changing. Not only to people want to read the book, they want to hear podcasts, read interviews, use interactive apps, go to events, and tweet all about it.In order to get your awesome idea from scribbled notebook to the bestseller list takes more than just throwing a manila folder in the mailbox. It takes research. Not only in your subject matter, but in the publishing industry, social networking and marketing as a whole.If it's one thing that stood out to me from the whole day, it was the idea that we, as conference attendees and SCBWI members were one step ahead of Joe Q. Writer, in preparing ourselves for the ultimate goal of publication.So go, buy that notebook, kittens and all. And put a change jar on your counter with a sign taped to it that says "WRITER'S CONFERENCE." Whenever your kids swear, or forget to do their chores, charge them a dollar - you'll have it saved up in no time.Writer's Organizations:SCBWISisters in Crime - Mystery writersRomance Writers of AmericaWriters Guild of AmericaThe International Food Wine & Travel Writers AssociationNaNoWriMoAuthors I've met through SCBWI:Shelley CoriellAmy Fellner DominySara Francis-FujimuraBarb GowanTom LeveenMichelle Parker-RockJanette RallisonSharon SkinnerAuthors I've met through library-hosted critique:Deb LedfordVirginia NoskyPascal MarcoNot to mention Anne - but I've known her since way before any of this writing stuff :)Many of these people are the ones who've taught me what I've learned so far, and what I've attempted o pass on to you. I hope you will find wisdom and inspiration in their lessons, as I have.Now get your notebook and start writing!  

Alternative Fashion Society

Last night I attended an event in downtown Phoenix. The Alternative Fashion Society showcased 15 up-and-coming Phoenix designers in a show called Madame Trapeze, and I was fortunate enough to have been invited. We were there to support my BFF's nephew and daughter who were involved in the show, and hey, when your kids actually want you to show up to something, you go. Let me just say it's been a loooong time since I've done anything this late, loud, and downtown.

Promoter Jen Deveroux along with Alekzander Shaw and Nelson Hawks produced a feast for the eyes, and DJ tricky t had the place thumping with a non-stop mix of fresh and vintage dance and alt tracks. The venue was well managed, clean and the crowd, cool. Onstage before and during the show, a handful of local artists worked on canvases, and an array of fine art stood as a backdrop. I was very impressed with all of the art exhibited, almost as impressed as seeing the works-in-progress develop right before my eyes, throughout the show.

Banding Hendrix, progressive artist and muralist.

Nyla the High Pimptress (a.k.a. Myryka, my amazing former bellydance teacher) entertained the crowd pre- and during the show with sultry twists on the circular trapeze.

As for the fashion, what can I say - it's definitely alternative. Most of it is some sort of bedroom wear/lingerie, and very sexy if you have the body to pull it off, which most of these girls (and guys) did. Though alternative boudoir and costume lines like Dolls R'nt Dead,  Missconstrued, and Hell on Heels definitely took center stage, there were a few exceptions. Notably, a street/skate line called Noble Savage, custom couture line Looks Good Anya, Robot Rowboat, HausofStardust, the much-talked-about Kelly Calabrese, and a line of latex fashion that I could see Katy Perry and Nikki Minaj (or maybe that girl in 50 Shades of Gray) fighting over, Vital Vein.

Here are some photos, click on one to see a slideshow.

HausofStardust

HausofStardust

vital vein

vital vein

vital vein

vital vein

hell on heels couture

hell on heels couture

this model (above) flipped me off with a flourish, which I thought was pretty cool,and seemed in character for her since the back of her legs are tattooed"Fuck" and "You"I say stick to your guns,consistency is admirable.

kelly calabrese

dolls r'nt dead

dolls r'nt dead

Robot Rowboat (model: Tiffany Brown)

looks good an-ya

looks good an-ya

noble savage

noble savage

noble savage

noble savage

noble savage, the designer

There were many more, 15 designers in all, which is way too much for a little suburban horse blogger like me to keep track of (although I did feel pretty badass in the press pit with my notebook and auto-focus camera). All I can say is, if you are looking for fun in Phoenix, don't mind being out late, and are open-minded, check out an Alternative Fashion Society show. The last thing you will be is bored.

And how about these posters? Shout out to the graphic designer.

If you were a part of this event and would like me to add credits to any of the above photos, please comment below, I will be glad to accommodate.

Live an artful life.

The End

kelly calabrese

Desert in bloom

Living in the desert can be great...sometimes. We have absolutely beautiful winters here. While the rest of the country is freezing and shoveling snow, we* are playing golf and drinking freshly squeezed orange juice.

But summer.

ugh.

Summer is creeping up on us. Last weekend we had our first round of 100+ temperatures. Like a little teaser, it only lasted a few days. Then we got the very welcome and much needed blessing of a brief rain shower.

In the desert you find yourself yearning for rain like a castaway scans the sea for ships on the horizon. It is a sign of life, sent from faraway.

We haven't had nearly enough rain lately. Arizona's yearly average for rain is about 7 inches. Last year, the Phoenix area totaled a little over four inches - for the whole year. This year so far we have not even reached .75 inches of rain.

Is a drought in the desert redundant?

All I know is, it's dry. Too dry. And when it does rain, this is how I feel:

Tim Robbins in The Shawshank Redemption, one of the best movies ever.

But in between winter and summer, we do get a little nibble of spring. It's that sliver of time before all the non-native plants start turning brown from the heat.You can tell it's spring when the Palo Verde trees bloom.

The Palo Verde ("green stick") is Arizona's state tree, and gets its name from the green bark it wears.

In the spring, these trees burst into color, covered in yellow flowers, and virtually hum with the presence of bees, busily drinking the nectar and pollinating away.

When the blooms expire, they carpet the ground.

This yucca is about 25 feet tall.

sage

oleanders (non-native), a hedge.

And since I am a midwesterner at heart, I have to have little bits of annual color on my front porch.

I wanted to get a picture of a Saguaro Blossom. Saguaros (pronounced sah-WAH-ro) are those huge cactuses (cacti) that you see in the stereotypical desert panorama:

The state flower of Arizona, the Saguaro blossom forms in clusters at the top of each arm of the cactus. They bloom April-June, and since they open at night, the main pollinators are nectar-drinking bats.

Did you ever wonder about the pleated structure of a cactus? Cacti are pleated to allow for the expansion that occurs when the plant is able to soak up large amounts of water, as it does in monsoon season. When the cactus dries out, the pleats deepen and become more pronounced. This has the added effect of being able to provide shade for itself from the heat of the sun.

Since you pretty much need a ladder to get a picture of the saguaro blossom, I thought I would just search for a good shot for you on the net. I have no idea how I'd get a ladder into my Civic.

Here you go:

And just for kicks, here are some new horse pictures:

As always, thanks for stopping by.

* and by "we," I mean everyone else in Arizona. I don't golf.

**But I do drink freshly squeezed orange juice...

mmmmmmmm it's yummy.

tweet me

So, thank you for hanging in there. I want to just say to all of you wanna-be bloggers out there. Pick a blog format, and stick with it. This switching nonsense is for the birds.But it's not as if I'm not here. I'm reading up on the latest Wordpress themes, playing around with a few test sites (Tell me what you think in the comments section):

I've been on tumblr:

I could not resist the siren call that is Pinterest:

And all of the cool stuff I see and read about, I tweet about on Twitter. I have a large range of interests - besides horses, of course - including art, cooking, design, marketing, writing, and tons of other stuff. If you like my writing, you might like some of the stuff I share.I promise, one of these days you will be directed to a new site of mine and it will be awesome. But for now, feel free to connect via social media:TwitterPinterestFacebook (be sure to Like us on Facebook)I love hearing your comments and suggestions. Please feel free to comment. (If you are on my main page, you may have to click this post title to get to the comment form.)Thanks!Heidi

hang in there

(Note: This post was written before my move to wordpress)Thank you, thank you for checking back. I promise I'm working rally hard on renovating my site and blog. But nothing is ever as easy as you think it is. I remember when I built my chicken coop I thought it would maybe take me a weekend. The guys at Home Depot would just laugh every time I walked in. And every time I open my laptop, I feel like Wordpress is laughing too.So, in the meantime, please enjoy some random stuff that makes me laugh:

I soooo get Calvin :)

From my Pinterest board ⤴ check it out if you like that sort of thing.

This is a Ryan Gosling meme. ⤴ What's a meme? Click here.

Here's a pretty famous meme.

My kids can attest to this ⤴

The original Weekly World News.

This is true ⤴  I tried it.

Seriously? Yeah.

Horse humor.

I have no idea ⤴

naturally ⤴

For my brother.  ⤴  He's doing better, thanks for asking.

The Darjeeling Limited. ⤴ Watch it.

This last one is in honor of my 20th (yes, as in TWENTY YEARS) anniversary this week!

I'd do it all over again...in a heartbeat.

♡

Have a good week everyone, and check back soon.

More pictures of Gypsy Horses

While I'm working on the new site, I'll post here and there so as not to leave you out there in cyberspace, wondering what the horses are up to.Fina has been sold, which is both bitter and sweet. We had planned to sell her before she was even born, but it's still hard to see one of your babies go. She is a very sweet filly who will grow into a beautiful mare. She is to be trained in dressage, perfect for her floaty movement and snappy trot.The silver lining of the sale is that she is going to a family who will love her and spoil her like crazy. Just as Chroicoragh was MY finally-found-dreamhorse, Fina is the same for her new owner:

I'll have more about Fina soon.

Keira is still for sale.

www.westceltgypsy.com

RANDOM HAPPY GYPSY HORSE PICTURES!

As always, thanks for stopping by - I hope you have a great day.

:)

Heidi

coming soon...

It's been needing to happen, I've been putting it off because it is SO time consuming, but Apple's recent leap to iCloud has forced me to completely renovate my website. Currently it is hosted using the soon-to-be-defunct me.com, and my time is running out.So bear with me while I make the necessary changes. I will be leaving the Blogger format (thank you, Blogger for being such a great teacher-of-blogging, and jumping-off point), and moving on to Wordpress. Blogger is a great spot to start out, but I believe Wordpress will provide just a bit more polish, and will give me the opportunity to streamline my main site and blog into one cohesive web browsing experience.Hopefully I will be able to post a few things here and there while waiting for everything to be ready.I've never been too fast at anything, so like my dad says, "don't hold yer breath," but keep checking back and I promise it will all be new, fresh, sparkly, and better than ever.In the meantime, please enjoy this clip from City Slickers, which is what I think of every time I imagine a construction site.(trivia: Billy Crystal's son is played by a young Jake Gyllenhaal)Thanks as always for stopping by, and please feel free to give me some user feedback:What about the blog do you like or NOT like?

• what should I keep?
• what should I throw out?
• too much stuff on the sidebar?
• not enough pictures?
• too much rambling?
• too much swearing?

Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings. I'm a writer; I can handle criticism.Not that I'll listen...:)And just for your entertainment, Here's a video from this morning:[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VFGfgU0X0Y]

Instagram, Pictures & Gypsy Horses

Instagram is a free photo sharing app that you can get for your phone or tablet. It gives you the ability to instantly post photos to Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, and Tumblr, among others.

But what's cool about Instagram is that it allows you to add a filter to your photos that give them a vintage feel. What's even cooler is that it's not complicated, there's no learning curve, and it's just plain fun.

So I can take a plain old picture of Chroi and Fina running around in the backyard like this:

And make it look like this:

And there's no photo editing; no Photo Shop. All it is is a color filter.

All of the pictures in this post were filtered with Instagram.

I met a lovely woman in the store where I work about a month or so ago.

We exchanged recipes, and I gave her my "business" card (ha ha, as if there is any business involved; more like busy-ness.)

look at those dapples!

She came into the store again the other day, and said,

"I love your writing!"

And, me the dumbass, said

"My writing?"

And she said,

"Yeah, I read your blog."

I guess I still get a little dumbstruck when people tell me this.

I know, that sounds totally stupid.

I mean, I HAVE a blog,

I TELL PEOPLE about my blog,

I WANT people to read my blog,

I LINK, LINK, LINK to my blog,

(on my website, my Facebook page, and on my other blog)

I pass out my aforementioned cards,

I check my stats obsessively to see how many hits I've had, and

I can see the silly hit counter right there, in the right-hand column, that says (as of today) that I've had

OVER SIX THOUSAND (yay!)

visits to this blog,

But still for some reason, when I'm sitting here in my pajamas,

having my coffee,

and playing around on my computer,

it's hard to think that there's anybody out there,

and that they even read my little blogger blog,

and that they like it enough to come back.

But that's the WHOLE IDEA,right?

Well,

whoever you are,

I appreciate you.

I am so thankful that you have taken the slice of time out of your day

to visit my blog,

read my silly stuff,

listen to my opinions,

and look at pictures of my horses.

Which, by the way, was one of the pieces of advice my

store-customer-friend gave me:

"You need to show more pictures of the horses!"

To which I thought,

"Duh."

As in, she's right.

Sometimes I am such a dumbass.

So here are some horse pictures, all Instagrammed for your viewing pleasure.

Keira's dapples are starting to show, and her mane is growing back, thank goodness.

Fina is learning how to behave herself while on lead:

I caught her making a funny face:

The girls got a visit from a friend:

This is one of the cutest horse pictures ever. And that's not just my opinion.

I'm pretty sure it's true:

Fina's stylist picked out this halter for her, because it brings out the blue in her eyes:

This is her "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" pose:

Four off the floor:

What're you looking at?

Strike a pose:

And because I'm a dork, and I grew up in the 80's, and was an original wanna-be,

and because I love giving you a musical interlude,  and because I just get a song in my head sometimes,

and because it's my blog, and I can do it if I want to,

Here's one of the best Madonna videos ever.

Told you I was a dork.

Have. Fun. Every. Day.

Sample Chapter - RUBY AND THE UNICORN

Because I have a few half-completed blog posts fluttering around on my Blogger dashboard, and I am uninspired to finish any of them at the moment, and because it's been awhile since I've tempted you with a bit of my novel-in-the-works, and because I'm lazy, I'm giving you another peek into Ruby's world.I hope you like it.

Chapter 8

Ruby pedaled, her boots wobbling double-time as she raced the clouds home. Big splots of water hit her head, and the downpour let loose just as she rode into the driveway, soaking her before she pulled into the open garage. An old blue pickup stood there, the hood agape. Ruby’s father, Dominic Fortuna, leaned over, a work light in one hand and the other reaching into the greasy depths of the engine.“Dad!” Ruby shouted, excited and out of breath.Dominic, surprised by the clamor, jerked his head up and hit it on the hood.“Ouch! Oh, hey, kiddo, come give me a hand, wouldya? Here, hold this light.” He looked at her, noticing her fat lip. “What’d ya do, crash your bike?”Ruby shrugged.“You alright?”“Yeah, I’m fine.”Ruby grabbed an old towel off his workbench and wiped the rain from her arms. Stepping on a stool, she took the light and held it above the engine. Her dad still wore his grungy work clothes, sleeves rolled up, and he smelled of machine oil and metal filings. She leaned over and sniffed.“What’s the matter?” He asked, “I smell?”“Nah,” she said, “I like it.”“Hmmph. You’re the only one. Your mother says I stink.”“Well, you do, kinda, but not in a bad way. You just smell like you.”He laughed, “Thanks, kid.”“Dad?”He had both hands somewhere under the air filter and struggled to loosen a bolt. “Yeah?”Ruby hesitated. It was one of those moments where she would usually chew on her lip, pondering the right way to say something she probably shouldn't. But this time she just felt the fat swollen lip and tasted the fresh wound. She’d raised this question a thousand times before, and it never went over very well.“Are you sure we can’t have a horse?” She closed her eyes and held her breath, bracing for the answer.He exhaled in exasperation, and gave the response he’d given every other time he was asked, “Yes, Rube, I’m sure.”“But Dad,” Ruby complained, “I just saw the most beautiful horse I’ve ever seen! Anyone’s ever seen! She’s from Ireland, and she belonged to some crazy Gypsy aunt of Molly’s, and Molly doesn’t want to keep her, and she has long white hair and these beautiful blue eyes and she’s perfect!”“No, Ruby.” Was all her dad said.“She looks like a Unicorn!”Dominic wiped his hands on an old oily rag and took the light from Ruby. “I don’t care if it looks like the Queen of England, it’s a horse, and we’re not having any horses here. Period. Not your grandfather’s horse, not Molly’s horse, not any other horse you see on any given day. Now stop bugging me about horses. We don’t got the time, the money, or the room for a horse.” He wiped his brow, and closed the hood of the truck.“End of discussion.”That was that. Ruby knew when her dad said “end of discussion,” that was the end of the discussion.She scowled at him and stomped into the house.

***

Santa's Elves - Caught in the Act!

Here is a video of real-life elves at work! Sssh...don't tell Santa.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1c4rh4A71M]

What a great video! Thanks to Carol, Rick, Sam, Lindsay, and all of the wonderful elves at

The Music Room!!

For more info about John's Christmas tree, read my previous post. 

An Ode to my Brother...by the way, you smell.

For the 5 people who read this blog, sorry I haven't written.But what do you say when you don't know what to say?You just say it, I guess.My brother has a brain tumor.I mean, how else do you put it?Fucking cancer.This is my brother John.

1970

1984

2009

When I was 5, John and I were playing in the sandbox. I was pissed at him for putting rocks in the sand, and he was pissed at me for putting Barbie in the Tonka truck. I said to him,

"I dont' give a..."

I paused, and then dared to say it:

"DAMN!"

John promptly jumped up, and ran inside to tell on me. I had my mouth washed out with soap. I can still taste it. To make things worse, we got the extra special treat of going to McDonald's for dinner that night (just think, it was a treat back then) and not even a vanilla milkshake could get the taste of soap out of my mouth. I think John felt guilty for telling on me, because he had no idea how severe and painful the punishment would be. Or how much he would have to listen to me bitch and whine about it. He patted me on the back.

And that's how big brothers are. One minute they're throwing you under the bus, and the next minute they're making sure you're OK.

Our younger years had alternating moments of fighting like cats, and then laughing hysterically. Riding somewhere in the car could either be complete torture:

"He touched me!""No, she touched me!""Move over!""When are we gonna get there?""He stuck his tongue out at me!""Stop it!""Mo-om!"

Or a contest to see who could keep a straight face the longest while the other made funny faces. It usually ended up with stuff flying out of our noses because we were laughing so hard, and our dad threatening to:

"...pull this car over right NOW, and you can walk to Grandma's!"

Which always shut me up because I had no idea how to get to Grandma's, and was usually wearing very uncomfortable shoes.

Then we went through a phase where we literally wanted to kill each other.

Normal, right?

Then we became friends.

It started right around the time when we both realized that our parents were going to split up, in our early teens.  The funny thing is, even though we spent the rest of our lives apart (he with my dad and me with our mom, and then in different states), we've always been very close.

We haven't spent nearly enough time together. There was always going to be that time, you know, in the future, where we would have some sort of camping trip together, and hash out all the family bullshit, and have this totally immersing bonding session.

In no way could I have imagined that the totally immersing bonding session would take place in a hospital room after a meeting with a neuro-oncologist.

But we did. My brother, his wife Chris and I had an incredible roller-coaster of a week together.  We laughed, cried, held hands, ate chocolate, and thanked god for the incredible ICU nursing staff at Evanston Hospital. My sister-in-law, her family, my parents and myself had a constant rotation so that my brother would always have someone in his room with him. I learned how to sleep on a waiting room couch, and the quickest route to the cafeteria. Thank goodness they had Starbuck's coffee.

John & Chris

Then when he got to go home, I busied myself with cooking, tidying and running errands so the two of them could relax. I cherished seeing them in their home. Sitting together and having a meal. Browsing through Christmas catalogues. Looking at all of the things that make them happy - their books, music and movie collections. Pictures of friends and family. Carefully placed model airplanes make with painstaking detail by my dad, and given as birthday gifts. Art made by nieces and nephews, in places of honor on the refrigerator door. I wanted to absorb it all, make it a part of a memory so that when it came time for me to go, this is where I can picture them from a distance. My brother's guitar in the living room, and drum set in the basement. The piano in the front room.

on their wedding day

We celebrated John's small victories, like being able to sleep for a couple of hours, or take a shower, or take a shit. Then, too soon, he had to go back to the hospital, in an ambulance, with a debilitating headache. This time, a different facility, and the care was not so nice, or professional. The doctor assigned to John was something out of a movie - on the worst ego trip imaginable, and not one shred of empathy. His nursing care was lacking in decision-making abilities and any type of follow-through, which resulted in us watching my brother going through the most gut-wrenching, heart breaking pain I've ever witnessed in another human being. My incredible sister-in-law Chris completely (and rightly so) lost her shit on that doctor, and read him the riot act that he deserved. I stood right next to her and backed her up as well as I could - not that she needed it - mostly by nodding and saying, "yeah."

getting ready for an MRI

Then my week was up. I had to say goodbye to them in the hospital. Thankfully he went home the next day, under new orders for levels of steroids that he'd been taking to quell the rate of swelling in the brain due to the tumor.

He's halfway through his radiation/chemotherapy treatment now, and goes through daily ups and downs. As the tumor reacts to the treatment, it flares up and pushes on different areas of the brain, causing different side effects. One day he went completely blind for two hours. His taste buds have gone wacky and some things that he really wants to enjoy - like beer - have a bitter or "off" taste. He'll have numbness or pain in his hand and wrist, which for a musician is particularly frustrating. He takes his chemo in the form of a pill, in the evening, and he says that in the middle of the night, he can feel his body reacting to it. It's hard to sleep.

We try to make sure to talk every few days. We check in with each other, the three of us, and talk about what's going on with him physically, what he was able to to that day, we talk about my kids, and about our parents and how well or not-so-well they are handling the situation. But mostly we just talk.

I have to say, my brother is an amazing person. He'll be the first one to argue against that. He'll say what an asshole he's been over the years to various people, or that he should've done this, or shouldn't have done that. But I don't see that. Maybe it's the nature of being the little sister, but I have always, ALWAYS, looked up to my brother.

• He's an amazing musician - he started out playing the trombone in Junior High, then, listening to big-band records,
• taught himself how to play drums (starting with one snare drum and a spare piece of carpet to pound on),
• then, by monkeying around with various pianos, whether it be at church, school, or Grandma's house, taught himself how to play piano,
• then had to have an incredibly patient woman (Holla, Sue Schiller) re-teach him to play properly and read piano music,
• then went on to play guitar...he's one of those disgusting people that can play pretty much any instrument you put in his hands.
• He worked his ass off,
• put himself through college in his early 30's,
• finally married the love of his life (took you long enough!)
• and has been co-owner, teacher, and all around badass guitar specialist extraordinaire at The Music Room in Palatine Illinois, with his partner of 20 years.

His biggest joy as a businessman is helping a kid get set up with his first guitar. Finding the right fit, and seeing their faces light up when they strike the first chord. He's goofy as hell, a kid at heart, really, and just loves what he does. That's why everyone around John loves him.

The evidence is in the hundreds and hundreds of emails, texts, cards, posts on his Facebook page, and on the Caring Bridge site that Carol, his business partner and longtime friend, set up for him. Carol put out the call to their wide-reaching community of friends for a Christmas ornament drive, since John and Chris had no energy to haul out decorations, and on Christmas Eve, when the family was away at my cousins' house for family celebration, Carol and her boyfriend Rick, along with a host of volunteers,

set up a Christmas tree with hundreds of ornaments sent from near and far with love from everyone they knew, and cards with messages of hope and cheer for John's health and recovery. It was truly inspiring.

In closing, I'd like to add one more note. Our family recently suffered a loss in the death of one of our cousins. Second-cousin to John and me, he was just a bit older than us, and all in all, a pretty cool dude. Upon hearing the news, my brother wrote this:

Sometime between Christmas and New Year's, my cousin Paul died. Don't know the circumstances, don't know anything really. What I do know is that I never told him that he was the reason I became a drummer. He was older than me, just enough to be that really cool cousin (to my ten-year-old-brain). He had a Gold Sparkle Slingerland set that was just the bomb.Paul was sickly all his life - although I never knew that. I never heard him complain about not feeling good - don't get me wrong, Paul will go down as one of history's greatest complainers - but he never talked to me about not feeling well. He'd complain about the same stuff I would: "Why isn't Phil Collins more known as a Drummer?"We all have people in our lives that we owe debts of gratitude to; people with whom we've lost touch; people that changed us, and possibly we them. I want to ask you all to think about those people in your life, and reach out to them, somehow, before it's too late.Paul died alone. Damnit.

In response to seeing this I have to say to my brother John:

You have always been my hero. I know that sounds SUPER cheesy, but it's true. I have looked up to you my whole life. I tried to be like you, but completely failed at playing any type of musical instrument (not for not trying), and joined choir because you and Chris and all of your friends were in choir. (shout out to Mrs. Keene) If Paul inspired you to be a drummer, you inspired me to be an actor. Actor? Yes. It was after seeing you in Guys & Dolls that I wanted to be up there, on stage, having as much fun. And when I realized music wasn't really my thing, I discovered that acting was. And through that, it led to my newfound love of writing, which I could not be more grateful for.

But other than that, having you as a brother, and observing you and your friends growing up, I was able to understand the male gender as a whole. As little kids, we got dirty, we played Army, or Cowboys & Indians. We shot BB guns and climbed trees. I wore your hand-me-down Toughskins and t-shirts, tried NOT to "throw like a girl," and listened in on your Dungeons & Dragons games with James & Droop. I wanted to be a Boy Scout, not a Girl Scout. We joked about gross disgusting stuff like boogers and farts and poop. I found out what guys liked and didn't like in girls. And that, while some girls are very pretty, and these are the girls that guys like to look at, they're not necessarily the girls that guys want to hang out with. I paid attention.

And now I live with three booger-fart-poop guys, and I dig it. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have a sister. Especially seeing Mom and her sisters' relationships, or that of my friends. But I'm so glad I have a brother. As a guy, you taught me what kind of girl to be, and, had it not been for growing up with you, and seeing how things affected you as a kid, I would not have been able to be the parent I am to my boys. I would not have been the same person, wife or mother if not for you.

I'm glad we have this crazy sense of humor and that we can laugh at things like brain tumors, and that our nicknames for each other revolve around some sort of fecal matter. That we can vent to each other about our fucked-up family, and laugh about that, too. (more of that here.)

And I'm sure somewhere in your mind you are thinking you don't deserve any of the praise you have been getting, from me or anyone else. And you're thinking about some of the mistakes you've made over the years and wish you could take them back.

But I'm here to tell you that I would have you as my brother, as you are today, and I would not change you one iota, other than to take away your suffering. I wish you no pain, no remorse, no regret, and I wish you lots and lots of laughs. Laugh so hard that stuff comes out your nose.

Namely, that fucking tumor.

Most of all I wish and hope that we have many many more laughs together.

On a beach. Toes in the sand.

I love you.

...by the way, you smell.

Your little sister.

John

This is my awesome brother John.

He is going through a rough time right now.

Please keep him in your thoughts.

More info coming soon.

The Real Deal; and A Sidebar on the Kardashians

Do you ever have one of those days when you're just like, "Screw it."Sometimes I feel like I'm always trying to impress people. You do it, too. We all do. It's the nature of our society. You suck in your stomach so you don't look so fat, you wear a particular type of shoe or drive a specific kind of car. You want people to think well of you, to like you, and say, "hey, that guy, he's doin' all right," in that Opie Taylor kind of way.

Big Phony from iamkoream, via Lifehack.Click to read another great article

And by impressing people, I don't mean in that Kardashian* sense of painting this totally phony picture of happiness and success but is really just a shallow materialistic sham, ready to sell out to the highest bidder−I just mean that the average person, by nature wants others to perceive him in a positive light, whatever that means to the individual.In reality, you pick your nose like everyone else, and sometimes you fart when you get up from the couch. That's the real deal. I mean, hey, sometimes you got a booger situation, right? Geez.So, yeah, when I go to work, I try and look presentable. I mean, I don't spend 2 hours in the bathroom primping, but I do want to put on a little make-up and maybe brush my hair or something. But like, today...today I look gross.

celebrities without make-up: me and Chroi

I'm wearing an old ratty pair of jeans, a pair of slippers, the shirt I wore to bed last night and a sweatshirt that needs to be thrown in the wash.  I don't have any make-up on, my hair smells like a horse and my hands smell like sulphur, from this treatment I just put on Keira's mane.

Oh−and that's the other thing. I have two horses for sale.

They should be all polished and pretty and shiny, in tip-top showroom condition in case someone would like to come and take a look at them. Fina's doing fine, actually.

Her coat is coming in nice and thick and shaggy, her feather is long and straight, and she is really responding to her training: leading, backing, picking up her feet and walking over rails. Good girl!And eating hair. Bad girl!I noticed that after Fina was born, Chroicoragh and Keira both started to be missing some hair. Baby horses teethe, just like anyone else, and they have a tendency to sometimes chew off the mane and tail of their dams and the other horses around them.

before Fina

Chroi is pretty good about shooing Fina away−although her forelock is noticeably shorter−but Keira is too sweet. She'll stand there and let Fina groom her, and now a portion of her mane is completely gone. I didn't even notice it until today when I was out brushing them while they ate.

I haven't had the time lately to hang out in their stalls with them as I like to. It's such a nice, passive relaxing thing to do. I throw some hay down for them, curry them, scratch and brush and untangle manes and tails, talk to them and just let my mind wander. But lately it's like: throw the hay, give 'em a few scratches, and get back to whatever task it is at hand. So I didn't even notice her mane. Where there used to be a thick, full "double" mane (when a horse has so much hair it hangs over both sides of its neck), there is now basically nothing.

punk rock horse

Now this is where I'm supposed to pretend like nothing's wrong and my horses are perfect. (Well, they are−apart from the mane, but that's beside the point. :)

Tell them what they've won, Gene!

Well, Bob, it's A NEW HORSE!

Quite a few people, when selling something, whether it's a car, a T.V., or a washing machine, don't want you, the buyer to notice the faults. It goes along with the general mentality that it is easier to sell something that is perceived as being without fault. And I get it−hey, I've done it. But in this case I'm kind of in the mind set that with an animal, things happen. Foals chew on manes.

After Fina.

What're you going to do? Put in extensions? Hair grows back, just as Chroicoragh's feather has. And although Keira will temporarily look like a punk rock-chick with half her head shaved, her beautiful mane will eventually grow back, probably thicker, and more silver, than ever. I don't feel the need to pretend like, "Oh, my gosh, I didn't even notice!" or sugar coat it. It is what it is, there's no reason to lie about it or try to falsely impress anyone about it. She's an amazing horse either way, and whoever ends up with her is going to be damn lucky.So, at the very least, know this: while I will cover my zits with make-up, and suck in my stomach, if you ever buy a horse from me, it will be an honest sale.

++++

*Sidebar on the Kardashians

With all the hubbub going on about the Kardashians, and one of my day jobs being "the magazine lady," as I'm known at the grocery store, being subjected to each and every gossip cover story as they are printed, and the speculation that surrounds each latest story, I felt compelled to begin this dialogue.Personally, my take on this whole phenomenon is that I am equally captivated, disgusted and impressed at their expert manipulation of the media market. One minute they make me feel like throwing up, and the next minute I'm going, "Oh, her hair looks really pretty."Obviously the Kardashians are an incredibly savvy group of business people, led by Mom Kris Jenner.

I would never dare to call them stupid. And obviously there is a time and place for what they are doing, because they are making millions and millions of dollars off the fact that we all find them fascinating. And who wouldn't? They are giving us exactly what we are asking for: an escape from our own lives, watching extremely beautiful people being as fucked up as we are.

The hook lies in the fact that we all delude ourselves that if we had that kind of money and power, we would somehow be above them, we wouldn't stoop to such drastic levels of behavior, we wouldn't sell out and we wouldn't be so self-absorbed and generally distasteful.But the irony is that the very reason the Kardashians have such fame, power and wealth is because WE as a society are giving it to them. WE are saying, "Ugh you disgust me, but can I see more?"

And the reason that it drives us so crazy is we realize that the only difference between them and us is that they are going to their dentist appointment in a limo, and wearing platform heels. Like I said, they are just as messed up as the rest of us are, they just don't have a problem paying their electric bill at the end of the month.And speaking of money, the manner in which the Kardashians win their audience is by virtue of

S-E-X.

Don't kid yourself. You might have sisters, and the show reminds you of your relationship with them.

You might have a good friend who is dating - or has kids with - a total douche.

You might be the girl in your family that doesn't get as much attention as your sisters, but you're the one everyone would rather hang out with because you're not as much of a snob.

You might even be "the pretty one."

But the reason we tune in to the Kardashians week after week is to see their hot bodies, glossy lips and miles of cleavage. We want to think that yeah, we ARE like them, so why couldn't we have what they have? Why couldn't we have a Roberto Cavalli gown, Christian Louboutin shoes and a personal trainer? We would rock the shit out of some Louboutins.

These are the ones I wear to Wal-Mart.

We want to see what they're wearing, how they did their hair, what kind of jewelry they have on, which car are they are driving, what mascara they wear, and their diet pill of choice. Because they just make it look so appealing, all shiny and sparkly and white-teethy and new.

It all fits, it all goes together, they didn't have to go to eight different stores to find it on sale, and bring in a coupon from the newspaper. It wasn't a hand-me-down from their BFF's closet clean-out. And they don't have the same fashion worries you do: that maybe the top you are wearing to your kid's parent-teacher conference is the same top you wore for work three days ago and you're hoping no one notices that you wore the same top twice in one week. But you really love the color, and the neckline is flattering on you, and you got it on sale at Target for $8.99 and it's the only new thing in your closet and you're sick of wearing the same old crap.

So you watch the Kardashians because you want new clothes, you want your hair to look good, you want people to think you are pretty, and you don't want to have to worry about doing your laundry, cleaning up the house, picking up the kids, going grocery shopping, getting the tires rotated, and what to fix for dinner.

But then we all complain about how much attention they are given. About how the media plays up the dramatizations, and how the Kardashian family just eats it all up and continues to make gads and gads of money off of it. (Reportedly $65 million this past year.)

And if they are making a living off of selling themselves; their bodies; their image and their name, what does that make them? 

And if we buy their mascara, their diet pills, and their handbag, and we are basically saying, "here is some money, I want to buy you," we are paying them. WE are keeping them in business.

What does that make us?I would LOVE to hear your comments.**POSTSCRIPT: For a great interview with Kris Jenner, click here. Hey, I'm all about hearing all sides to the story.

I like: Creative Writing #2; Show, Don't Tell

Many of you writers out there have heard the critique, "Show, don't tell?" Upon hearing this cryptic comment did you say to yourself What the hell is that supposed to mean?Telling vs. Showing

Photo: Declan McCullagh

Telling:

The cathedral was very big and beautiful on the inside. There was a lot of light.

Showing:

Upon entering the grand space, my footsteps echoed on the smooth marble. Rays of colored sunlight criss-crossed the aisle that lay ahead of me, specks of dust glinting and twisting in the soft current. Compelled to raise my eyes to the view above, I was rewarded with a vision of perfect architecture. Ancient beams and arches met each other in precise symmetry, and hand-leaded mosaics of tinted glass told the stories of the saints. My breath caught in my throat.

Do you see the difference? In telling, your voice is more passive, and you'll notice a lot of was-es. One of the very first things I learned from my mentor is to "get rid of those was-es." It was hard! :) But now I notice that when I take out a was and replace it with more showing, it makes my story better. It's also one of the first things I notice when I'm reading others' work. You have no idea how prevalent the passive voice is in some of today's best-selling novels. It can be depressing to read something that has been published, and is selling well, and realize that, while maybe you couldn't have written it better, the writer could have benefitted from a tighter edit.Anyway, I'm not here to preach, I'm here to teach. The next time you write a page, get your red pen, and circle all of your was-es. Make it a challenge to see how many you can get rid of−it's not easy, but it will make your writing shine.Here is my creative writing exercise from a "show, don't tell" session. (Warning: explicit language.)Telling:

Peter shined his shoes, went to work and got fired.

Showing:

"Aw, f*ck," exhaled Peter as he realized he'd just spilt coffee on his newly polished Giorgio Armanis. His $1700.00 Giorgio Armanis. And it couldn't be black coffee, no−that would be too easy. He'd just gotten it to the exact mixture of cream and sugar to make it taste perfect. He looked at his watch and took another quick sip of coffee, being careful not to spill it this time before he set it down. Checking his watch again, he hopped down the hall while slipping the Italian leather loafer from his heel and reached for an old towel in the closet. "God damn it," he swore as he tried to soak the sugary coffee out of the impeccable hand stitching, "Now I'm gonna be late."And late he was. Hoping to avoid getting noticed as he exited the elevator, Peter tried to camouflage himself behind the heavy-set lady from accounting, the one with the big hair. But as he made the turn to head to his office of course he had to run into the firm's senior partner, Jack Mayhoffer (he he), and of course, in the process of stopping short, spilled coffee on Mr. Mayhoffer's silk tie. The tie that his late wife had given him on their last anniversary."Oh shit," said Peter.

See the difference? Now, my showing paragraph is an un-edited 15 minute exercise. Though rife with swear words, and an inside joke, it does much more than say "Peter shined his shoes, went to work and got fired."Next time your writing seems to be lacking a little something, try showing what is happening around your characters, and how they react.Don't just tell your reader what happened, show them.More great writing tips:Ingrid SundbergThe Purple CrayonJennifer J. StewartJill Corcoran 

Just Pictures

Well we are on the road again, this time to the north rim of the grand canyon. I'm playing with my new iPhone and blogging while my husband drives.It's unbelievable to me what we can do with technology these days. Video calling and all the stuff we used to see on the Jetsons is here. Now all we need are floating cars and jet packs.I really want a jet pack.But until then I have to say I am pretty thrilled with my new iPhone. It's awesome. And now I will be able to take more video! As soon as I can figure out how to get the video from the phone to blogger, you'll see more of that.For today, I'm posting some random pictures of dirty horses :) and all weekend I'll tweet pics of our trip. (twitter link on the right).Have a great weekend!Heidi

I'm Sending You Away...again

I love you, but go away. Go! Explore, meet new people, read new blogs. I'll be waiting for you when you get back. Maybe I'll even make you some pot roast. Mashed potatoes? Yes, please.One of the great things about blogging is that you get exposed to so many other blogs. Some are just OK, some consist of mostly advertising, but a lot of them are pretty awesome.

1. Will Write for Coffee

Your first destination, if you'll allow me some more shameless self-promotion, is to my friend Anne Tibbets's blog, Will Write for Coffee, where I have been asked to...drumroll please... guest post! I'm so flattered and excited! Not that it takes much to flatter me or excite me, but hey, I'll take what I can get. But as a writer, it's pretty flattering and exciting. This is my first foray into writing for someone else, please stop by and read:

Why You Should Attend a Writer's Conference.

Anne is a writer who has published two books: The Amulet Chronicles, co-authored with Erika Ely Lewis, and The Beast Call, her latest. She is currently working on a sequel to The Beast Call, and an edgy YA nail-biter, The Line. She also just happens to be married to a good friend of mine from high school. Yeah, we go back. I'm so excited for Anne as she builds on her momentum and gears up to be the Next Big Author. Just wait, I'll be able to say I told you so.

2. Everyday Life

Lyn is a teacher, photographer and artist living in West Yorkshire, UK. In Everyday Life, she shares photos that capture the beauty around her. Her images are simple, but she has a way of looking at things that makes you think if you were with her at the time, she'd point out some detail to you that you'd missed somehow, even though it was right in front of you.Not to mention the fact that by showing me a part of the world I personally love, I kind of feel like I'm taking a little journey when I read her posts. She has a penchant for sunrises and sunsets, architecture, gardens and her cat, Lucy.She and her husband take all these cool trips, from walks right around the corner to day trips around England, and this year to France. Lyn snaps away, and gives you a glimpse of something you'd never see if not for her eye or lens.A few shots from Lyn:(Clicking on each photo will take you to the original post)

Cool sites I've found through her site:365 Project: take a photo a day to document your lifeBig Huge Labs: do fun stuff with your photos; mosaics, posters, pop art and much more. Can't wait to play with this.

3. Moon to Moon and What the Moon Saw

I don't know much about this blogger, but she posts photos of the most cool, laid back hippie-gypsy interiors and images, and sometimes will include amazing songs that you forgot you knew and are so happy to recall.If there's any bone in your body that inexplicably feels at home around the Bohemian, you will fall in instant, romantic, patchwork, vine-y, wooden, floating scarves and natural sunlight LOVE. This is just a small sample:

Here's one of the songs - Sisters of the Moon, by Fleetwood Mac (Tusk, 1979)

Free download.

I tried to embed it as a player so you could listen to it here first but I can't $#%*ing figure it out and I've been pulling out my hair. If you know how, please leave a comment, before I go bald.

So please have fun blog surfing. I hope you enjoy these little spots on the web as much as I do. One of the other great things about blogging is that your peers are very supportive. It's a nice community, another way of getting to know those who share our planet, and keeping in touch globally through common interests.

I wholeheartedly believe in the idea that if we support other artists, not only will this goodwill come back to us, but by sharing ART in general it enriches the lives of everyone around us, and will hopefully bring a sense of beauty and awe that will supersede the pervasive negativity that seems to be pushed upon us at every turn. To experience art is to experience love. 

On that note, I'd like to share a video I found on another blog, Heart Shaped.

The story can be read here. Note: keep watching, you'll see what it's about.

Enjoy ♡

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3_bCfrOPI4]

I enjoy reading your comments, please feel free to leave feedback. xo

I'm Sending You Away #1

I Like: Creative Writing #1

OK, so here's the deal. I've got a lot of stuff going on.  I really want to stick to my goal of blogging once a week, and I'm trying to not use ALL of my writing time on my blog. Have to get back to my novel! I've been going over some of my older critique group notes, my own notes and research, and I just can't let this story go.*If any of my readers (and I know there's a few):1) were horse crazy girls or boys,2) are suckers for fairy and folklore,4) own anything decorated with Celtic knotwork,5) generally geek out at Renaissance festivals (Huzzah!),

The kids are so embarrassed.

6) love nature, adventure and7) had a crush on your best friend's brother or sister, then this book is for you.

*Fate chimed in while in the process of writing this post. I had to run some errands, and while at the return desk of the library, a little girl walked up to the librarian, reluctant little brother in tow, stood with her chin resting on the countertop and asked "Do you have any Fairy books?"

I swear I did not make that up. This book has to get written.

So in order to conserve writing time while still delivering posts for you, my faithful readers, (I did it! I addressed the reader! There, I did it again!) some of my newer posts will be excerpts from my writing notebooks. I've accumulated quite a few over the past six years, and I've got a pile of material that I'm afraid I'll never get to.So I'm going to share it here.Much of it is incomplete, as in notes or ideas that were begun and never completed. And yes, everyone does that. No artist would ever have time to draw to fruition each and every one of their ideas.The purpose of this is 4-fold:

• to provide regular reading (be responsible)
• to get out of having to think up and edit and photograph every post (be lazy)
• to finally go through all of my notes (do research)
• and hopefully along the way, I'll be able to provide an idea to someone else. (I'll play the muse)

Here is your first installment:This is from the Scottsdale Library's creative writer's workshop on Fridays. Before I had to go back to work (yuck!), I moderated these meetings for awhile, and loved every minute. Creative writing workshops are a great way to get ideas flowing. You could arrange one with your study group, church group, library, or do it on your own. (Helpful links below.)The writing prompt for this day was a picture, along with a question:

You hid something here a long time ago.  What was it?  Tell why it needed to be hidden.

OR

You found something here today.  What is it?  Tell why you are here.

For those of you who would like to do this exercise, take 15 minutes to free write a response to the photo and one of the questions. Then continue reading below.

Ready set GO

Here was my 15-minute response:

8/15/08 The morning air being crisp and fresh, I decided to walk across the field⎯rather than take the carriage⎯to the small parsonage where my dear friend Charlotte resides with her husband. He sister is to be wed in June, and the two of us have been sewing linens for her table as a wedding gift. On my way, I cut across a glen which I had seen and passed by many times as a girl, but in the morning light, something caught my eye. Vine covered ruins Crumbling ruins, set upon by thick green vines. They look to have been hidden for many a hundred years by a massive oak that now lay prone on the forest floor, a victim of wood rot and heavy wind, I presume. I gingerly picked my way around the massive fallen soldier, quite ruining my hem in the process. How ancient the stone wall seemed. I figured it a relic of the ancient Romans that once invaded our shores.

That's as far as I got. I don't even know what my character found in the ruins! The suspense! Other than a few run-on sentences and a misplaced use of the word "they":

Crumbling ruins, set upon by thick green vines. They look to have been hidden...

Here, They appears to mean the vines, when my intent was to describe the ruins. Not to mention, the first sentence is incomplete. But the great thing about writing exercises is that you aren't editing as you go. The goal is just to bring forth an idea from which to build upon.And yes, Austen fans, I believe at the time this was written I had either just re-read the book or viewed one of my favorite movies, Pride and Prejudice. And, no, my heroine would NOT have found a smoldering Mr. Darcy waiting behind that wall!

Not that there's anything wrong with that :)

Writing exercise links:

Susan Taylor Brown

Meredith Sue Willis

The above exercise was stolen from one of these two sites, but I can't remember which one. I will be happy to credit the source if and when I figure it out.

What are you doing? Go get your pen! Stop staring at Mr. Darcy!

Write!

For a creative writing meeting, all you need are willing participants, pen & paper, and about one hour or more. Go around the table and have members introduce themselves and speak a bit as to what kind of writing they are interested in. Give them the prompt, and let everyone write for 15 minutes. Then go around and allow the members to share what they wrote, if they wish. Then do it again with a new prompt. Your second round could be completely different, or build upon the first. And there are no rules other than to express yourself. Have fun!**This post is dedicated to my friend Sara who inspired me to 1) Use a numbered list; and 2) Let my freak flag fly.