I like: Creative Writing #2; Show, Don't Tell
Many of you writers out there have heard the critique, "Show, don't tell?" Upon hearing this cryptic comment did you say to yourself What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Many of you writers out there have heard the critique, "Show, don't tell?" Upon hearing this cryptic comment did you say to yourself What the hell is that supposed to mean?Telling vs. Showing
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| Photo: Declan McCullagh |
Telling:
The cathedral was very big and beautiful on the inside. There was a lot of light.
Showing:
Upon entering the grand space, my footsteps echoed on the smooth marble. Rays of colored sunlight criss-crossed the aisle that lay ahead of me, specks of dust glinting and twisting in the soft current. Compelled to raise my eyes to the view above, I was rewarded with a vision of perfect architecture. Ancient beams and arches met each other in precise symmetry, and hand-leaded mosaics of tinted glass told the stories of the saints. My breath caught in my throat.
Do you see the difference? In telling, your voice is more passive, and you'll notice a lot of was-es. One of the very first things I learned from my mentor is to "get rid of those was-es." It was hard! :) But now I notice that when I take out a was and replace it with more showing, it makes my story better. It's also one of the first things I notice when I'm reading others' work. You have no idea how prevalent the passive voice is in some of today's best-selling novels. It can be depressing to read something that has been published, and is selling well, and realize that, while maybe you couldn't have written it better, the writer could have benefitted from a tighter edit.Anyway, I'm not here to preach, I'm here to teach. The next time you write a page, get your red pen, and circle all of your was-es. Make it a challenge to see how many you can get rid of−it's not easy, but it will make your writing shine.Here is my creative writing exercise from a "show, don't tell" session. (Warning: explicit language.)Telling:
Peter shined his shoes, went to work and got fired.
Showing:
"Aw, f*ck," exhaled Peter as he realized he'd just spilt coffee on his newly polished Giorgio Armanis. His $1700.00 Giorgio Armanis. And it couldn't be black coffee, no−that would be too easy. He'd just gotten it to the exact mixture of cream and sugar to make it taste perfect. He looked at his watch and took another quick sip of coffee, being careful not to spill it this time before he set it down. Checking his watch again, he hopped down the hall while slipping the Italian leather loafer from his heel and reached for an old towel in the closet. "God damn it," he swore as he tried to soak the sugary coffee out of the impeccable hand stitching, "Now I'm gonna be late."And late he was. Hoping to avoid getting noticed as he exited the elevator, Peter tried to camouflage himself behind the heavy-set lady from accounting, the one with the big hair. But as he made the turn to head to his office of course he had to run into the firm's senior partner, Jack Mayhoffer (he he), and of course, in the process of stopping short, spilled coffee on Mr. Mayhoffer's silk tie. The tie that his late wife had given him on their last anniversary."Oh shit," said Peter.
See the difference? Now, my showing paragraph is an un-edited 15 minute exercise. Though rife with swear words, and an inside joke, it does much more than say "Peter shined his shoes, went to work and got fired."Next time your writing seems to be lacking a little something, try showing what is happening around your characters, and how they react.Don't just tell your reader what happened, show them.More great writing tips:Ingrid SundbergThe Purple CrayonJennifer J. StewartJill Corcoran
Just Pictures
I really want a jet pack.But until then I have to say I am pretty thrilled with my new iPhone.
Well we are on the road again, this time to the north rim of the grand canyon. I'm playing with my new iPhone and blogging while my husband drives.It's unbelievable to me what we can do with technology these days. Video calling and all the stuff we used to see on the Jetsons is here. Now all we need are floating cars and jet packs.I really want a jet pack.But until then I have to say I am pretty thrilled with my new iPhone. It's awesome. And now I will be able to take more video! As soon as I can figure out how to get the video from the phone to blogger, you'll see more of that.For today, I'm posting some random pictures of dirty horses :) and all weekend I'll tweet pics of our trip. (twitter link on the right).Have a great weekend!Heidi
I'm Sending You Away...again
I love you, but go away. Go! Explore, meet new people, read new blogs. I'll be waiting for you when you get back. Maybe I'll even make you some pot roast. Mashed potatoes? Yes, please.One of the great things about blogging is that you get exposed to so many other blogs. Some are just OK, some consist of mostly advertising, but a lot of them are pretty awesome.
Your first destination, if you'll allow me some more shameless self-promotion, is to my friend Anne Tibbets's blog, Will Write for Coffee, where I have been asked to...drumroll please... guest post! I'm so flattered and excited! Not that it takes much to flatter me or excite me, but hey, I'll take what I can get. But as a writer, it's pretty flattering and exciting. This is my first foray into writing for someone else, please stop by and read:
Anne is a writer who has published two books: The Amulet Chronicles, co-authored with Erika Ely Lewis, and The Beast Call, her latest. She is currently working on a sequel to The Beast Call, and an edgy YA nail-biter, The Line. She also just happens to be married to a good friend of mine from high school. Yeah, we go back. I'm so excited for Anne as she builds on her momentum and gears up to be the Next Big Author. Just wait, I'll be able to say I told you so.
Lyn is a teacher, photographer and artist living in West Yorkshire, UK. In Everyday Life, she shares photos that capture the beauty around her. Her images are simple, but she has a way of looking at things that makes you think if you were with her at the time, she'd point out some detail to you that you'd missed somehow, even though it was right in front of you.Not to mention the fact that by showing me a part of the world I personally love, I kind of feel like I'm taking a little journey when I read her posts. She has a penchant for sunrises and sunsets, architecture, gardens and her cat, Lucy.She and her husband take all these cool trips, from walks right around the corner to day trips around England, and this year to France. Lyn snaps away, and gives you a glimpse of something you'd never see if not for her eye or lens.A few shots from Lyn:(Clicking on each photo will take you to the original post)
Cool sites I've found through her site:365 Project: take a photo a day to document your lifeBig Huge Labs: do fun stuff with your photos; mosaics, posters, pop art and much more. Can't wait to play with this.
I don't know much about this blogger, but she posts photos of the most cool, laid back hippie-gypsy interiors and images, and sometimes will include amazing songs that you forgot you knew and are so happy to recall.If there's any bone in your body that inexplicably feels at home around the Bohemian, you will fall in instant, romantic, patchwork, vine-y, wooden, floating scarves and natural sunlight LOVE. This is just a small sample:
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