I like: Creative Writing #2; Show, Don't Tell

Many of you writers out there have heard the critique, "Show, don't tell?" Upon hearing this cryptic comment did you say to yourself What the hell is that supposed to mean?Telling vs. Showing

Photo: Declan McCullagh

Telling:

The cathedral was very big and beautiful on the inside. There was a lot of light.

Showing:

Upon entering the grand space, my footsteps echoed on the smooth marble. Rays of colored sunlight criss-crossed the aisle that lay ahead of me, specks of dust glinting and twisting in the soft current. Compelled to raise my eyes to the view above, I was rewarded with a vision of perfect architecture. Ancient beams and arches met each other in precise symmetry, and hand-leaded mosaics of tinted glass told the stories of the saints. My breath caught in my throat.

Do you see the difference? In telling, your voice is more passive, and you'll notice a lot of was-es. One of the very first things I learned from my mentor is to "get rid of those was-es." It was hard! :) But now I notice that when I take out a was and replace it with more showing, it makes my story better. It's also one of the first things I notice when I'm reading others' work. You have no idea how prevalent the passive voice is in some of today's best-selling novels. It can be depressing to read something that has been published, and is selling well, and realize that, while maybe you couldn't have written it better, the writer could have benefitted from a tighter edit.Anyway, I'm not here to preach, I'm here to teach. The next time you write a page, get your red pen, and circle all of your was-es. Make it a challenge to see how many you can get rid of−it's not easy, but it will make your writing shine.Here is my creative writing exercise from a "show, don't tell" session. (Warning: explicit language.)Telling:

Peter shined his shoes, went to work and got fired.

Showing:

"Aw, f*ck," exhaled Peter as he realized he'd just spilt coffee on his newly polished Giorgio Armanis. His $1700.00 Giorgio Armanis. And it couldn't be black coffee, no−that would be too easy. He'd just gotten it to the exact mixture of cream and sugar to make it taste perfect. He looked at his watch and took another quick sip of coffee, being careful not to spill it this time before he set it down. Checking his watch again, he hopped down the hall while slipping the Italian leather loafer from his heel and reached for an old towel in the closet. "God damn it," he swore as he tried to soak the sugary coffee out of the impeccable hand stitching, "Now I'm gonna be late."And late he was. Hoping to avoid getting noticed as he exited the elevator, Peter tried to camouflage himself behind the heavy-set lady from accounting, the one with the big hair. But as he made the turn to head to his office of course he had to run into the firm's senior partner, Jack Mayhoffer (he he), and of course, in the process of stopping short, spilled coffee on Mr. Mayhoffer's silk tie. The tie that his late wife had given him on their last anniversary."Oh shit," said Peter.

See the difference? Now, my showing paragraph is an un-edited 15 minute exercise. Though rife with swear words, and an inside joke, it does much more than say "Peter shined his shoes, went to work and got fired."Next time your writing seems to be lacking a little something, try showing what is happening around your characters, and how they react.Don't just tell your reader what happened, show them.More great writing tips:Ingrid SundbergThe Purple CrayonJennifer J. StewartJill Corcoran 

I Like: Creative Writing #1

OK, so here's the deal. I've got a lot of stuff going on.  I really want to stick to my goal of blogging once a week, and I'm trying to not use ALL of my writing time on my blog. Have to get back to my novel! I've been going over some of my older critique group notes, my own notes and research, and I just can't let this story go.*If any of my readers (and I know there's a few):1) were horse crazy girls or boys,2) are suckers for fairy and folklore,4) own anything decorated with Celtic knotwork,5) generally geek out at Renaissance festivals (Huzzah!),

The kids are so embarrassed.

6) love nature, adventure and7) had a crush on your best friend's brother or sister, then this book is for you.

*Fate chimed in while in the process of writing this post. I had to run some errands, and while at the return desk of the library, a little girl walked up to the librarian, reluctant little brother in tow, stood with her chin resting on the countertop and asked "Do you have any Fairy books?"

I swear I did not make that up. This book has to get written.

So in order to conserve writing time while still delivering posts for you, my faithful readers, (I did it! I addressed the reader! There, I did it again!) some of my newer posts will be excerpts from my writing notebooks. I've accumulated quite a few over the past six years, and I've got a pile of material that I'm afraid I'll never get to.So I'm going to share it here.Much of it is incomplete, as in notes or ideas that were begun and never completed. And yes, everyone does that. No artist would ever have time to draw to fruition each and every one of their ideas.The purpose of this is 4-fold:

• to provide regular reading (be responsible)
• to get out of having to think up and edit and photograph every post (be lazy)
• to finally go through all of my notes (do research)
• and hopefully along the way, I'll be able to provide an idea to someone else. (I'll play the muse)

Here is your first installment:This is from the Scottsdale Library's creative writer's workshop on Fridays. Before I had to go back to work (yuck!), I moderated these meetings for awhile, and loved every minute. Creative writing workshops are a great way to get ideas flowing. You could arrange one with your study group, church group, library, or do it on your own. (Helpful links below.)The writing prompt for this day was a picture, along with a question:

You hid something here a long time ago.  What was it?  Tell why it needed to be hidden.

OR

You found something here today.  What is it?  Tell why you are here.

For those of you who would like to do this exercise, take 15 minutes to free write a response to the photo and one of the questions. Then continue reading below.

Ready set GO

Here was my 15-minute response:

8/15/08 The morning air being crisp and fresh, I decided to walk across the field⎯rather than take the carriage⎯to the small parsonage where my dear friend Charlotte resides with her husband. He sister is to be wed in June, and the two of us have been sewing linens for her table as a wedding gift. On my way, I cut across a glen which I had seen and passed by many times as a girl, but in the morning light, something caught my eye. Vine covered ruins Crumbling ruins, set upon by thick green vines. They look to have been hidden for many a hundred years by a massive oak that now lay prone on the forest floor, a victim of wood rot and heavy wind, I presume. I gingerly picked my way around the massive fallen soldier, quite ruining my hem in the process. How ancient the stone wall seemed. I figured it a relic of the ancient Romans that once invaded our shores.

That's as far as I got. I don't even know what my character found in the ruins! The suspense! Other than a few run-on sentences and a misplaced use of the word "they":

Crumbling ruins, set upon by thick green vines. They look to have been hidden...

Here, They appears to mean the vines, when my intent was to describe the ruins. Not to mention, the first sentence is incomplete. But the great thing about writing exercises is that you aren't editing as you go. The goal is just to bring forth an idea from which to build upon.And yes, Austen fans, I believe at the time this was written I had either just re-read the book or viewed one of my favorite movies, Pride and Prejudice. And, no, my heroine would NOT have found a smoldering Mr. Darcy waiting behind that wall!

Not that there's anything wrong with that :)

Writing exercise links:

Susan Taylor Brown

Meredith Sue Willis

The above exercise was stolen from one of these two sites, but I can't remember which one. I will be happy to credit the source if and when I figure it out.

What are you doing? Go get your pen! Stop staring at Mr. Darcy!

Write!

For a creative writing meeting, all you need are willing participants, pen & paper, and about one hour or more. Go around the table and have members introduce themselves and speak a bit as to what kind of writing they are interested in. Give them the prompt, and let everyone write for 15 minutes. Then go around and allow the members to share what they wrote, if they wish. Then do it again with a new prompt. Your second round could be completely different, or build upon the first. And there are no rules other than to express yourself. Have fun!**This post is dedicated to my friend Sara who inspired me to 1) Use a numbered list; and 2) Let my freak flag fly.